Vital Football

Latest Manchester City News

Let The Banter Begin - Man Utd

Let The Banter Begin - Man Utd

In the first of many, Vital Manchester City brings readers the 'Let The Banter Begin' series. In this episode, we look at our neighbours, Manchester United. To make the most of the atmosphere, ensure you're PC speakers are on.

This article is not intended to be-little the club or their fans in any shape or form - on the contrary, the whole idea is intended to be light-hearted.

Let The Banter Begin



Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?

A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.

Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?

A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Stamford Bridge.

Q: What's the difference between listening to Alex Ferguson's after-match interview and childbirth?

A: One's an extremely painful almost unbearable experience, and the other one's just having a baby.

A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a City scarf.

'Hello mate' says St. Peter, 'I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven.'

What?' exclaims the man, astonished?

'You heard, no Man Utd fans.'

But, but, but, I've been a good man', replies the Man Utd supporter.

'Oh really', says St. Peter. 'What have you done, then?'

Well' said the guy, 'Three weeks before I died, I gave £100 to the starving children in Africa'.

'Oh' says St. Peter. 'anything else?'

Well, two weeks before I died I also gave £100 to the homeless.'

'Hmmm. Anything else?'

Yeah. A week before I died I gave £100 to the Albanian orphans.'

Okay', said St. Peter, 'You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor.'

Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, 'I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your three hundred quid back, now **** off'.

In the next episode, we take a look at Aston Villa.



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Tudor
Date:Wednesday July 23 2008
Time: 3:22PM

Comments

0
Chicky chicky chipoloata? Is it me does that voice creep you out? So, where did you tape Paul Scholes in that mood then Tudor?
Aston Smithy
23/07/2008 15:55:00
0
If I divulge that sort of information Aston Smithy I'll have to kill myself and I'm too young to die just yet!!
Tudor
23/07/2008 15:59:00
0
Not if Sir Alex the Rednose gets to you.
Buzz Lightyear
23/07/2008 17:34:00
0
Ha ha, like your style Buzz Lightyear!
Tudor
23/07/2008 17:39:00
0
**Newsflash** Ferguson just paid £25mill for Salford Van Hire by accident, thinking it was a Dutch striker!
oliverblue
23/07/2008 20:58:00
0
SAF is scum, scum, sub-human scum
SkyBlueSuedeShoes
23/07/2008 22:07:00
0
Haha loving these articles! Nice work mate - keeping the off season bearable!
The_Legend_Of_Zola
26/07/2008 20:27:00
0
"All the cups are at Stamford Bridge" - lmao!
chelseaforever
27/07/2008 06:22:00
0
Loved the first one! Brilliant.
chelseaforever
27/07/2008 06:23:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Manchester City Articles

The Ped Report City 2-2 Tottenham Hotspur

Resurgent Blues Toss Away 2-goal Lead

Highlights: Man City 2-2 Spurs Plus Blues Video Debrief

Match referee Andre Marriner certainly made a couple of howlers at the Etihad Stadium yesterday but hey, we have to live with the fact that referees and officials are only human..

Stats: Manchester City v Tottenham Hotspur

All the stats from Manchester City (2) vs (2) Tottenham Hotspur, The Etihad Stadium, 21/1/17 17h30 GMT Att: 54, 402

(Video) Is Pep A 'Fraud'? | Manchester City's Season So Far

After a blistering start to the season, in recent weeks Manchester City have struggled a bit and fallen out the top four.

Archived VMC Articles

VMC articles from

Site Journalists

Tudor (VMC Editor)
Editor email
Profile
Johnny Baguette
no email
Profile
Pedmachine
no email
Profile
Skoorb
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

City's performance, out of five against Spurs?
Suggested By: Tudor
Five2%
Four28%
Three28%
Two28%
One0%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Chelsea 21 17 1 3 52 30
2 Spurs 22 13 7 2 46 29
3 Liverpool 22 13 6 3 45 24
4 Arsenal 21 13 5 3 44 26
5 Man City 22 13 4 5 43 15
6 Man Utd 22 11 8 3 41 12
7 Everton 22 10 6 6 36 10
8 WBA 22 9 5 8 32 2
9 Stoke 22 7 7 8 28 -6
10 West Ham 22 8 4 10 28 -7
11 AFC Bournemouth 22 7 5 10 26 -7
12 Burnley 21 8 2 11 26 -8
13 Southampton 21 6 6 9 24 -7
14 Watford 22 6 6 10 24 -13
15 Leicester City 21 5 6 10 21 -10
16 Middlesbrough 22 4 8 10 20 -7
17 Swansea 22 5 3 14 18 -25
18 Crystal Palace 22 4 4 14 16 -11
19 Hull City 21 4 4 13 16 -25
20 Sunderland 22 4 3 15 15 -22
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
Write for Vital Football

Recent Manchester City Results (view all)

Manchester City Fixtures (view all)

Jan 28 2017 3:00PM : Crystal Palace (a)
FA Cup
Feb 1 2017 7:45PM : West Ham United (a)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 5 2017 1:30PM : Swansea City (H)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 13 2017 8:00PM : AFC Bournemouth (a)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 26 2017 2:15PM : Manchester United (H)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 4 2017 3:00PM : Sunderland (a)
Barclays Premier League

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Buzz Lightyear528
2.Skoorb469
3.Johnny Baguette418
4.Rising208
5.Bluedub191
6.Tudor185
7.johnkelv99
8.Colin Is The King87
9.OziMan63
10.kennyclementstache57
The Vital Football Members League