Vital Football

Latest Manchester City News

Let The Banter Begin - Man Utd

Let The Banter Begin - Man Utd

In the first of many, Vital Manchester City brings readers the 'Let The Banter Begin' series. In this episode, we look at our neighbours, Manchester United. To make the most of the atmosphere, ensure you're PC speakers are on.

This article is not intended to be-little the club or their fans in any shape or form - on the contrary, the whole idea is intended to be light-hearted.

Let The Banter Begin



Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?

A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.

Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?

A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Stamford Bridge.

Q: What's the difference between listening to Alex Ferguson's after-match interview and childbirth?

A: One's an extremely painful almost unbearable experience, and the other one's just having a baby.

A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a City scarf.

'Hello mate' says St. Peter, 'I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven.'

What?' exclaims the man, astonished?

'You heard, no Man Utd fans.'

But, but, but, I've been a good man', replies the Man Utd supporter.

'Oh really', says St. Peter. 'What have you done, then?'

Well' said the guy, 'Three weeks before I died, I gave £100 to the starving children in Africa'.

'Oh' says St. Peter. 'anything else?'

Well, two weeks before I died I also gave £100 to the homeless.'

'Hmmm. Anything else?'

Yeah. A week before I died I gave £100 to the Albanian orphans.'

Okay', said St. Peter, 'You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor.'

Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, 'I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your three hundred quid back, now **** off'.

In the next episode, we take a look at Aston Villa.



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Tudor
Date:Wednesday July 23 2008
Time: 3:22PM

Comments

0
Chicky chicky chipoloata? Is it me does that voice creep you out? So, where did you tape Paul Scholes in that mood then Tudor?
Aston Smithy
23/07/2008 15:55:00
0
If I divulge that sort of information Aston Smithy I'll have to kill myself and I'm too young to die just yet!!
Tudor
23/07/2008 15:59:00
0
Not if Sir Alex the Rednose gets to you.
Buzz Lightyear
23/07/2008 17:34:00
0
Ha ha, like your style Buzz Lightyear!
Tudor
23/07/2008 17:39:00
0
**Newsflash** Ferguson just paid £25mill for Salford Van Hire by accident, thinking it was a Dutch striker!
oliverblue
23/07/2008 20:58:00
0
SAF is scum, scum, sub-human scum
SkyBlueSuedeShoes
23/07/2008 22:07:00
0
Haha loving these articles! Nice work mate - keeping the off season bearable!
The_Legend_Of_Zola
26/07/2008 20:27:00
0
"All the cups are at Stamford Bridge" - lmao!
chelseaforever
27/07/2008 06:22:00
0
Loved the first one! Brilliant.
chelseaforever
27/07/2008 06:23:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Manchester City Articles

Latest Odds: Man City v Tottenham

Don't expect a massive windfall, unless you're intending to place a huge stake with the UK bookmakers for Sunday's Premier League clash between Manchester City and Tottenham.

History Of The 'Poznan'

As a Manchester City supporter my first induction to the so-called 'Poznan' dance (call it what you will) was when City played polish side, Lech Poznan.

The Manchester City Injury Table Updated

Our weekly update looking at the injury table and also comparing with all our competitors in the Premier League.

(Video) This Is What It Means Supporting City

Supporting Manchester City, in fact, supporting any football club brings the best and worst in any human's emotion.

Archived VMC Articles

VMC articles from

Site Journalists

Tudor
Profile
Johnny Baguette
Profile
Pedmachine
Profile
Sedgie
Profile
Skoorb
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

How many trophies will MCFC win this season?
Suggested By: Tudor
Premier League11%
Champions League1%
League Cup19%
FA Cup1%
Two of the above11%
Three of the above1%
All four7%
City will not win anything this season49%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Leicester City 25 15 8 2 53 20
2 Spurs 25 13 9 3 48 26
3 Arsenal 25 14 6 5 48 17
4 Man City 25 14 5 6 47 21
5 Man Utd 25 11 8 6 41 10
6 West Ham 25 10 9 6 39 9
7 Southampton 25 10 7 8 37 9
8 Everton 25 8 11 6 35 12
9 Liverpool 25 9 8 8 35 -4
10 Watford 25 9 6 10 33 0
11 Stoke 25 9 6 10 33 -7
12 Crystal Palace 25 9 5 11 32 -4
13 Chelsea 25 7 9 9 30 -2
14 WBA 25 7 8 10 29 -9
15 AFC Bournemouth 25 7 7 11 28 -12
16 Swansea 25 6 9 10 27 -9
17 Newcastle 25 6 6 13 24 -18
18 Norwich 25 6 5 14 23 -20
19 Sunderland 25 5 5 15 20 -19
20 Aston Villa 25 3 7 15 16 -20
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News

Manchester City Fixtures (view all)

Feb 14 2016 4:15PM : Tottenham Hotspur (H)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 20 2016 3:00PM : Chelsea (a)
FA Cup
Feb 28 2016 12:00PM : Newcastle United (a)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 28 2016 4:30PM : Liverpool (a)
Capital One Cup
Mar 2 2016 8:00PM : Liverpool (a)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 5 2016 3:00PM : Aston Villa (H)
Barclays Premier League

Recent Manchester City Results (view all)

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Skoorb250
2.Buzz Lightyear227
3.Tudor212
4.Johnny Baguette144
5.Bluedub91
6.fifthcolumnblue61
7.johnkelv50
8.PhillyBlueMoon40
9.citizhun30
10.Colin Is The King20