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Let The Banter Begin - Celtic

In the fourth of many, Vital Manchester City brings readers the 'Let The Banter Begin' series. In this episode, we look at Wednesday's opponents, Celtic. To make the most of the atmosphere, ensure you're PC speakers are on.

This article is not intended to be-little the club or their fans in any shape or form - on the contrary, the whole idea is intended to be light-hearted.

Previous Let The Banter Begin articles:


Aston Villa

Manchester United

It's with great sadness that I report Celtic Park was broken into last night. The entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. Strathclyde police are believed to be looking for a man with a green carpet.

An old man hands over 50 quid to the turnstile operator at Celtic Park

Man: 'Two please'.

Turnstile Operator: 'Sir, will that be defenders or strikers?'

There's a rumour that after the NTL sponsorship expires, Celtic have lined up a new sponsor - Tampax.

The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.

I'm glad to report that a new green and white Oxo Cube will be introduced early next year. It will be called 'Laughing Stock'.

Q: What do you call a Celtic fan in Europe after Christmas?

A: tourist!

Celtic fan drives about in a white van. He hates seeing people walking around in Rangers top so every time he sees a Rangers fan he swerves across the road to hit him but turns away in time not to.

One day he's driving along and he sees the Priest walking along, the Celtic fan pulls over and says to the Priest...

'Father where are you heading to?'

Priest replies: 'I`m going to Mass'.

Celtic fan: 'Do you want a lift Father?'

Priest: 'Yeah, why not.'

They're driving along when the Celtic fan sees a bloke in a Rangers top, he swerves across the road and again intentionally misses the Rangers fan. He hears this loud thud and looks in his rear mirrors but can't see anything. Then realising he had a Priest in the van he quickly apologises.

'Sorry Father but I didn't hit him!'

Priest says: 'Its ok, I got him with the door!'

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The journalist

Writer: Tudor Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Sunday August 3 2008

Time: 12:36PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
I liked the priest joke but I couldn't understand many of them. If indeed someone broke into our trophy room, then the guy before him must have lifted the 83 pieces of silverware we have in there. Also, last 16 of the CL in Europe 2 seasons running and a Uefa Cup Final in 2003, Don't think we were just tourists. Nice try though.
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 14:57:00

RK, it's only a lighthearted poke.
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 15:17:00

I appreciate that. But more research could have made more accurate fun at our expense.
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 15:24:00

Some of the jokes are well old, nevertheless I couldn't resit!
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 15:26:00

on breaking into the trophy room at city, the only thing worth stealing is the worlds largest unopend tin of silver polish
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 15:31:00

Guys, like R.K. says, the jokes only work if there`s an element of truth in them. P.S. How does it feel to be the Espanyol of Manchester?
Lin McAdam
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 15:41:00

Hey - Lin McAdam -
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Report Abuse
03/08/2008 15:47:00

Tudor I don`t like "Man, you", thank you very much. In fact I`m not keen on any of the establishment teams, Real Madrid, Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Meelan, Rangers etc.
Lin McAdam
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 16:27:00

Simple question - who do you support?
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 16:31:00

Celtic! Good Luck with the new manager, I hope he gets a couple of years to put his stamp on the team. Didn`t think there was much wrong with the last manager though.
Lin McAdam
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 16:51:00

Hi Lin and good luck with the Champions League and SPL campaign. Prediction - Celtic 0-2 Citeh!!
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 17:03:00

Dream on Tudor. Hope you guys still have something to play for after Christmas, maybe you can get the legendary unused metal polish out for FA Cup or League Cup. ;-)
Lin McAdam
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 17:23:00

Lin - I'm beginning to warm towards you!!
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 17:36:00

Lin, we have employed four blokes to prize the lid off its so old.
Buzz Lightyear
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 18:17:00

Buzz, thats more like it. Best of luck guys, except when you play us, of course.
Lin McAdam
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 21:06:00

Will you marry me, dear Lin?
Report Abuse
03/08/2008 22:01:00

Tudor Lin is short for Colin. There once was a Rangers player named Colin McAdam, went by the nickname of "Hoof" due to his propensity for biffing the ball into Row Z. I cant be associated with an an uncultured b***bag like him. Put it this way if you were named Gary Neville, you`d call yourself Ray or `ary, anything but Gary. So if you`re a woman, I may take you up on the marriage offer.
Lin McAdam
Report Abuse
05/08/2008 19:39:00

Sadly i've got more hair on my chest than on my head. The marriage is off!! (lol)
Report Abuse
05/08/2008 21:10:00


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