Let The Banter Begin - Liverpool
In the sixth of many, Vital Manchester City brings readers the 'Let The Banter Begin' series.
In this episode, we look at Sunday's opponents, Liverpool. To make the most of the atmosphere, ensure you're PC speakers are on.
This article is not intended to be-little the club or their fans in any shape or form - on the contrary, the whole idea is intended to be light-hearted.
Previous Let The Banter Begin articles:
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Q: What's the difference between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her
Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?
A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a Liverpudlian.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scouser fan?
A: battery has a positive side.
A man was walking down a street in the centre of Manchester and saw a Rotweiler attacking an old lady. He immediately ran over to the dog and started to struggle in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until it was dead.
A passing reporter commented: that was fecking fantastic how you saved that old dears life! I have to write a story about this, how about the headline - Manchester United fan saves granny's life? 'I'm not a Utd fan,' replied the bloke. 'Well how about Man City fan saves granny's life'? Said the reporter. 'I'm not a City fan either,' said our hero, 'I`m from Liverpool'. 'Never mind I know just the headline, you read the paper tomorrow' said the reporter. The man picks up the paper the following day to read the headline - SCOUSE BAS***D KILLS FAMILY PET!
Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a broken clock?
A: Even a clock is right twice a day!
Q: How do you make a scouser run faster?
A: Stick a DVD player under his arm.
Man walks into a shop in Liverpool:
Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife?
Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you?
Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.
Q: What do you call a scouser in a suit?
A: The accused.
Q: Why is the Anfield Stadium grass so green?
A: Because every week Liverpool put millions of pounds worth of s*** on it.
Scouser walks into the D.S.S. and says: - 'I've just been offered a blow job; If I take it will it affect my benefit claim?'