Vital Football

Latest Manchester City News

Let The Banter Begin - Liverpool

Let The Banter Begin - Liverpool

In the sixth of many, Vital Manchester City brings readers the 'Let The Banter Begin' series.

In this episode, we look at Sunday's opponents, Liverpool. To make the most of the atmosphere, ensure you're PC speakers are on.

This article is not intended to be-little the club or their fans in any shape or form - on the contrary, the whole idea is intended to be light-hearted.



Previous Let The Banter Begin articles:

Chelsea (2)

Celtic

Chelsea (1)

Aston Villa

Manchester United

Join Vital Manchester City NOW, by clicking here.



Q: What's the difference between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?

A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her

Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?

A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a Liverpudlian.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scouser fan?

A: battery has a positive side.

A man was walking down a street in the centre of Manchester and saw a Rotweiler attacking an old lady. He immediately ran over to the dog and started to struggle in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until it was dead.
A passing reporter commented: that was fecking fantastic how you saved that old dears life! I have to write a story about this, how about the headline - Manchester United fan saves granny's life? 'I'm not a Utd fan,' replied the bloke. 'Well how about Man City fan saves granny's life'? Said the reporter. 'I'm not a City fan either,' said our hero, 'I`m from Liverpool'. 'Never mind I know just the headline, you read the paper tomorrow' said the reporter. The man picks up the paper the following day to read the headline - SCOUSE BAS***D KILLS FAMILY PET!

Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a broken clock?

A: Even a clock is right twice a day!

Q: How do you make a scouser run faster?

A: Stick a DVD player under his arm.

Man walks into a shop in Liverpool:

Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife?

Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you?

Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?

A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.

Q: What do you call a scouser in a suit?

A: The accused.

Q: Why is the Anfield Stadium grass so green?

A: Because every week Liverpool put millions of pounds worth of s*** on it.

Scouser walks into the D.S.S. and says: - 'I've just been offered a blow job; If I take it will it affect my benefit claim?'



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Tudor
Date:Friday October 3 2008
Time: 8:12PM

Comments

0
Liverpool can confirm they have made approaches for Italian and Japanese international strikers to join them in January. Sources are yet to confirm whether Robatelli and Nickamota will sign or not.
oliverblue
03/10/2008 20:36:00
0
Definition of a Scouser's Laptop? A Takeaway Pizza.... Er, I'll get my coat...
Johnny Baguette
04/10/2008 07:26:00
0
ouch !
lincolnblue
04/10/2008 08:06:00
0
Q: Define "Confusion"? A: Father's Day in Liverpool.
oliverblue
04/10/2008 10:52:00
0
What should you do if you see a scouser jogging? Trip him up and give the lady's purse back to her.
oliverblue
04/10/2008 10:54:00
0
Why can't Scousers work for Kwik-Fit.......they only know how to take wheels OFF.....
lincolnblue
04/10/2008 12:09:00
0
OOOOOOOH you lot are in for it now.LOL. Teacher to pupils, give me a sentence with the word car in the sentence. Wayne' I wanna nick a car worrell do a 100 miles an hour.' teacher smacks the pupil, and says its not worrell, its darrell.
Buzz Lightyear
04/10/2008 13:03:00
0
Not much banter I'm afraid. It's all one way traffic LOL!
oliverblue
04/10/2008 13:14:00
0
Man City won a trophy once. No, seriously, they did!
Aamir
04/10/2008 13:55:00
0
At last. We have a bite! LOL!
oliverblue
04/10/2008 14:04:00
Page 1/2
  1. 1
  2. 2

Login to post a comment

Recent Manchester City Articles

Red Card Report 2017 - The Chinese Market

The sixth edition of the Red Card report into how European clubs fare in the Chinese fan market has now been released.

The Manchester City Walking Wounded - Injury Table

Our weekly update looking at the injury table for Manchester City and also comparing with all our competitors in the Premier League.

FA Cup Quarter Finals Get 4th Sub

Football Association chief executive Martin Glenn has confirmed that those clubs involved in this year's Quarter Finals of the FA Cup will get a fourth substitute...

BT Sport Show Boro v Man City / Huddersfield FA Cup Tie

If Manchester City overcome Championship side Huddersfield Town on Wednesday, 1 March (BBC One - kick off 19:45 GMT) in the FA Fifth Round replay then Blues unable...

Archived VMC Articles

VMC articles from

Site Journalists

Tudor (VMC Editor)
Editor email
Profile
Johnny Baguette
no email
Profile
Pedmachine
no email
Profile
Skoorb
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

With City not playing this weekend which live English TV game will you watch?
Suggested By: Tudor
Leeds v Sheffield Wednesday (Sky)1%
Brighton v Reading (Sky)0%
Norwich v Ipswich (Sky)0%
Spuds v Stoke (Sky)0%
Saints v Rags (EPL Cup Final - Sky)9%
Watford v West Ham (BT)0%
Two of the above0%
Three of the above9%
Four of the above0%
Five of the above0%
All six0%
I won't watch any81%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Chelsea 25 19 3 3 60 34
2 Man City 25 16 4 5 52 22
3 Spurs 25 14 8 3 50 28
4 Arsenal 25 15 5 5 50 26
5 Liverpool 25 14 7 4 49 24
6 Man Utd 25 13 9 3 48 17
7 Everton 25 11 8 6 41 13
8 WBA 25 10 7 8 37 3
9 Stoke 25 8 8 9 32 -6
10 West Ham 25 9 5 11 32 -9
11 Southampton 25 8 6 11 30 -3
12 Burnley 25 9 3 13 30 -9
13 Watford 25 8 6 11 30 -13
14 AFC Bournemouth 25 7 5 13 26 -14
15 Swansea 25 7 3 15 24 -23
16 Middlesbrough 25 4 10 11 22 -8
17 Leicester City 25 5 6 14 21 -19
18 Hull City 25 5 5 15 20 -27
19 Crystal Palace 25 5 4 16 19 -14
20 Sunderland 25 5 4 16 19 -22
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
Write for Vital Football

Recent Manchester City Results (view all)

Manchester City Fixtures (view all)

Feb 26 2017 2:15PM : Manchester United (H)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 5 2017 4:00PM : Sunderland (a)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 11 2017 12:30PM : Stoke City (H)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 19 2017 4:30PM : Liverpool (H)
Barclays Premier League
Apr 1 2017 3:00PM : Arsenal (a)
Barclays Premier League
Apr 5 2017 7:45PM : Chelsea (a)
Barclays Premier League

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Buzz Lightyear554
2.Skoorb268
3.Johnny Baguette256
4.Rising142
5.Bluedub123
6.Tudor107
7.johnkelv106
8.citizhun77
9.Colin Is The King74
10.kennyclementstache59
The Vital Football Members League