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Let The Banter Begin - Liverpool

In the sixth of many, Vital Manchester City brings readers the 'Let The Banter Begin' series.

In this episode, we look at Sunday's opponents, Liverpool. To make the most of the atmosphere, ensure you're PC speakers are on.

This article is not intended to be-little the club or their fans in any shape or form - on the contrary, the whole idea is intended to be light-hearted.



Previous Let The Banter Begin articles:

Chelsea (2)

Celtic

Chelsea (1)

Aston Villa

Manchester United

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Q: What's the difference between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?

A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her

Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?

A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a Liverpudlian.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scouser fan?

A: battery has a positive side.

A man was walking down a street in the centre of Manchester and saw a Rotweiler attacking an old lady. He immediately ran over to the dog and started to struggle in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until it was dead.
A passing reporter commented: that was fecking fantastic how you saved that old dears life! I have to write a story about this, how about the headline - Manchester United fan saves granny's life? 'I'm not a Utd fan,' replied the bloke. 'Well how about Man City fan saves granny's life'? Said the reporter. 'I'm not a City fan either,' said our hero, 'I`m from Liverpool'. 'Never mind I know just the headline, you read the paper tomorrow' said the reporter. The man picks up the paper the following day to read the headline - SCOUSE BAS***D KILLS FAMILY PET!

Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a broken clock?

A: Even a clock is right twice a day!

Q: How do you make a scouser run faster?

A: Stick a DVD player under his arm.

Man walks into a shop in Liverpool:

Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife?

Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you?

Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?

A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.

Q: What do you call a scouser in a suit?

A: The accused.

Q: Why is the Anfield Stadium grass so green?

A: Because every week Liverpool put millions of pounds worth of s*** on it.

Scouser walks into the D.S.S. and says: - 'I've just been offered a blow job; If I take it will it affect my benefit claim?'




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The journalist

Writer: Tudor Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday October 3 2008

Time: 8:12PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
Liverpool can confirm they have made approaches for Italian and Japanese international strikers to join them in January. Sources are yet to confirm whether Robatelli and Nickamota will sign or not.
oliverblue
Report Abuse
03/10/2008 20:36:00

Definition of a Scouser's Laptop? A Takeaway Pizza.... Er, I'll get my coat...
Johnny Baguette
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 07:26:00

ouch !
lincolnblue
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 08:06:00

Q: Define "Confusion"? A: Father's Day in Liverpool.
oliverblue
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 10:52:00

What should you do if you see a scouser jogging? Trip him up and give the lady's purse back to her.
oliverblue
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 10:54:00

Why can't Scousers work for Kwik-Fit.......they only know how to take wheels OFF.....
lincolnblue
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 12:09:00

OOOOOOOH you lot are in for it now.LOL. Teacher to pupils, give me a sentence with the word car in the sentence. Wayne' I wanna nick a car worrell do a 100 miles an hour.' teacher smacks the pupil, and says its not worrell, its darrell.
Buzz Lightyear
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 13:03:00

Not much banter I'm afraid. It's all one way traffic LOL!
oliverblue
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 13:14:00

Man City won a trophy once. No, seriously, they did!
Aamir
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 13:55:00

At last. We have a bite! LOL!
oliverblue
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 14:04:00

Hooray !!
lincolnblue
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 16:28:00

Come on in guys -- the water's warm!! http://www.liverpool.vitalfootball.co.uk/matchprere.asp?a=127052
Sindbad
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 20:33:00

Miserable lot 'em scousers!
Tudor
Report Abuse
04/10/2008 21:15:00

Oh no, I'm going to have to say my piece and live with it afterwards. The banter is but the truth is something else. I am a City fan, but I have enjoyed so many wonderful moments seeing Liverpool carry the torch of football that I cannot enter into this banter. Yes there are rivalries between football teams and I would be proud for Manchester City to become true rivals to Liverpool on the national and the international stage. In fact I am fully expecting City to achieve much in this regard. But I am uncomfortable with this thread. As a Warrington-born I was drawn both ways but will always be a Manchester City supporter. But Liverpool are a great side, a great city and a great people. I hope City thrash Liverpool tomorrow. Does that make sense? If it doesn't then it doesn't. I will have to live with it.
Sindbad
Report Abuse
05/10/2008 01:58:00

I would get into this banter but unfortunately like 16.5 million other Liverpool fans I'm not actually from Liverpool - so it's a bit moot me rising to the Scouser quips...If you've got any Irish jokes on you I'll take ye on ;)
Naoise
Report Abuse
05/10/2008 14:00:00

 

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