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Let The Banter Begin - Newcastle United

In the seventh of many, Vital Manchester City brings readers the 'Let The Banter Begin' series.

In this episode, we look at our next opponents, Newcastle United. To make the most of the atmosphere, ensure you're PC speakers are on.

This article is not intended to be-little the club or their fans in any shape or form - on the contrary, the whole idea is intended to be light-hearted.

Previous Let The Banter Begin articles:


Chelsea (2)


Chelsea (1)

Aston Villa

Manchester United

Fire brigade phones Kevin Keegan in the early hours of Sunday morning...

King Kevin, St James Park is on fire!'

The cups man save the cups!' replies Kev.

Well...the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir.'

Q: What's the difference between the Toon keeper and a taxi driver?

A: A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.

Q: Why do Geordie supporters have moustaches?

A: So they can look like their mothers.

Q: What do Toon fans and laxatives have in common?

A: Both irritate the absolute crap out of you

The nativity play has been cancelled this year in Newcastle.

They have 11 donkeys, 1 Wise man and no Messiah!

Did you hear oxo are bringing out a special edition black and white cube for Newcastle United - it's called laughing stock!

Mike Ashley today announced he would bring some new faces into Newcastle United.

Peter Beardsley has asked if he can have one.

Q: What do you call a Toon fan with half a brain?

A: Gifted

Newcastle United have just brought out a new calendar out for rest of season. Each month has a different manager.

Newcastle have moved quickly to halt rumours of a rift between Mike Ashley and Alan Shearer. A club spokesman said, 'It's ridiculous to suggest that there is a personality clash between the two - everybody at the club knows that Shearer hasn't got one.'

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The journalist

Writer: Tudor Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Sunday October 12 2008

Time: 4:10PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
Proof that God is now trying to save Newcastle further embarassment is provided by the matching of Stoke against Tottenham on Monday in the Premiership. If the teams had been playing anybody else then there was the possibility Newcastle would have been bottom of the Premiership when we meet them on Monday.
Report Abuse
12/10/2008 16:25:00

David Beckham and Scrawny Spice have decided to buy Brooklyn NUFC for Xmas. Apparently he asked for a Cowboy Outfit!!
Report Abuse
12/10/2008 20:22:00

Newcastle Windaz Too Thoosand It has come to the attention of Microsoft that several hundred copies of a Geordie version of Windows 2000, otherwise known as "Windaz Too Thoosand", have been accidentally shipped out of Newcastle. If you have purchased one of the Newcastle editions, you may need some help understanding the commands. You will be able to tell immediately if you have a copy of "Windaz 2000" by: 1) The hour-glass has been replaced by a tipping bottle of Newcastle Brown. 2) The Recycle Bin is labelled as "Sunderland". 3) Dial-up network is called "Me mates". 4) The Control Panel is known as " How we mess aboot wi the settins". 5) The hard drive is referred to as " Big disk wi aall me stoof on it". Other features of note are: 1) The "OK" button is labelled "Alreet". 2) The "Yes" button is labelled "Aye". 3) The "No" button is labelled "Nee chance". 4) The "Goto" button is labelled "Owa there". 5) "Help" is known as "Ah cannit dee it". 6) The Personal folder/ My Documents is called "Me *****e". 7) Favourites are labelled: "I would love it, I would really love it" 8) "Mi lass wi no cloothes on" - My Pictures Also, Windaz 2000 does not recognise capital letters nor punctuation marks. There are also some applications written especially for "Windaz 2000", and they are: 1) "Tipe Rita" - a word processor. 2) "Cullarin Book" - a graphics package. 3) "Addin masheen" - a calculator. 4) "Dole 2000" - Accounting software. 5) "Porn" - Internet Explorer
Report Abuse
13/10/2008 08:07:00 .....a Newcastle blog found the above article amusing. Have a look at their comments - lol.
Report Abuse
13/10/2008 09:09:00

Dont think we'll get too much banter going on here, judging by the popularity of Vital Newcastle. Shame really!
Report Abuse
13/10/2008 10:03:00

think you're right OB......
Report Abuse
13/10/2008 10:08:00

no Owen........oh dear, thats like saving us a defender....
Report Abuse
16/10/2008 19:51:00


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