Magnificent Seven Pre Match Interview: Bolton

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1. We are at the 10 game stage of the new season and Bolton are already facing a relegation battle. How's the form?

The table speaks for itself. We haven`t scored in six of those ten league games and therein lies the problem. Only two goals have come from open play. One of them was an accident and the other a goalkeeping error. We couldn`t even put one past Tottenham`s zany comedy goalkeeper. Not good.

2. How did you rate Bolton's transfer dealings this past summer?

Not good either. Johan Elmander doesn`t look up to the rigours of the Premier League. Fabrice Muamba lacks a vital component - skill. Mustapha Riga has skill, but his team mates are so baffled by this that they can`t take advantage. Danny Shittu. The clue is in the name.

3. Where do you stand regarding Gary Megson's position who has been portrayed as something of a 'relegation specialist.' Some Wanderers fans were calling for Sam Allardyce at the end of the defeat at home to Everton. Is that a solution worth considering?

Opinion is divided on Megson. Some say he should be gunned down, others will be happy to see him merely run out of town. The vernacular of a cowboy movie isn`t an accident.

The backroom set up that Sam established has been dismantled. For that reason his returning isn`t a viable option.

4. Here come Manchester City again. Smell the fear or relax with a beer?

Relax with a beer, but only because we no longer care. It's called the Megson Effect. Scientists are studying the phenomena.

5. Who of Manchester City's relatively young squad would you love to see in a Bolton shirt and who would you like to send us in a part ex?

We`ll have Robinho please. Not that it would make a difference. Megson would have him warming the bench. You can have Megson in return. He used to play for City, so he`ll know the way. If you`re talking about playing staff then Kevin Nolan is yours for the asking. You may have to cover him in goose fat in order to squeeze him through the dressing room door. Fat swine.

6. YOU are the new Premier League Chief Executive. You have been granted three measures / ideas which will go unopposed by all 20 clubs to improve the top flight game in England. Choose them wisely...

a. Free pie and a pint for every match attendee

b. Gary Megson to be banned from ever managing a side again. This will be too late to help us, but may prevent others from experiencing our pain.

c. Ban managerial platitudes. Who didn`t want to throw up on hearing about David O`Leary`s 'honest set of lads` or Steve McClaren telling us his players worked 'ever so hard?` You won`t be surprised to hear that Megson`s got one. Apparently, our lot frequently 'put in a decent shift`. Pass the sick bucket.

7. Go on then. Sunday's result?

Bolton nil, City more than nil. Get your act in gear and it might be City a lot more than nil.

Many thanks and respect going out to Richard and Vital Bolton.

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