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Let The Banter Begin - Tottenham

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In the eighth of many, Vital Manchester City brings readers the 'Let The Banter Begin' series.

In this episode, we look at our next opponents, Tottenham Hotspur. To make the most of the atmosphere, ensure you're PC speakers are on.

This article is not intended to be-little the club or their fans in any shape or form - on the contrary, the whole idea is intended to be light-hearted.



Register On Vital Manchester City here.

Previous Let The Banter Begin articles:

Newcastle United

Liverpool

Chelsea (2)

Celtic

Chelsea (1)

Aston Villa

Manchester United

Did you hear how Tottenham has become an all-water stadium? - Someone gave-them a 3-piece suite.

A man is sitting in a pub with his Jack Russell dog one Saturday afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the corner, 'Manchester City 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1,' reads the announcer in his normal, rather sedate, voice.

Suddenly the Jack Russell dog jumps up and shouts out, 'Oh, no, not again.'

The shocked landlord says, 'That's amazing. Why did he say that when the result was announced that Tottenham lost?'

Because he's a Spurs supporter,' the dog's owner replies.

The landlord then asked what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to which the man replied, 'I don't know. I've only had him three years.'

Q: What does a chewing gum and Tottenham have in common?

A:They both stick to the bottom of the table.

I hear that Tottenham underground station in London has been closed: apparently, they have been having trouble with the points.

Someone informed me yesterday that Tottenham Hotspur have a new nickname. They are now called 'The Barnacles' because they are on the bottom.

A little boy gets £10 for his birthday & rushes down to the sports shop to buy the new football he has been desperate for. He gives the ball to the shopkeeper - sorry son this ball is £20 you only have £10. The boy says ok if you blindfold me & I can guess the name of the club on any ball will you give it to me for £10. He agrees and gives the boy an Arsenal ball,

I can hear canons blasting so it's an Arsenal ball. Next, he gives him a Millwall ball. I hear lions so its Millwall. Amazed the man says get this and you can have it for nothing. The boy listens & says Spurs, the man says you heard a cockerel right, the boy says no, 'it`s going down.'

Many moons ago when I was at school, two of my mates were Spurs supporters. They would go to White Hart Lane, wait for about ten minutes after kick off, and climb over the wall. One Saturday a policeman caught them and he made them go back in and watch the rest of the game

All premier league matches have been called off this weekend due to some un-usual betting patterns, it turns out a £5 bet has been placed on Spurs to win this weekend.

I was playing scrabble today when I realised I had the letters to spell Tottenham Hotspur but was pissed off when I realised it was only worth 2 points

Went to White Hart Lane yesterday and noticed how green and lovely their pitch was so I summoned over the guy who's job it was to look after the pitch and asked him what his secret was, his reply…

'Well I do nothing, just every Saturday afternoon we put £17m worth of shit over the pitch and it works wonders'

Osama Bin Laden sent out a new video to prove he was still alive, in it he said SPURS were crap recently - British intelligence dismissed it saying:'That could have been recorded anytime in the last eight years'

NEWS JUST IN! Posh n Becks have reportedly just bought THFC for £300 million for their son Brooklyn for his birthday present. Apparently, he asked for a cowboy outfit.

The groundskeeper at spurs was seen planting potatoes behind the goals and when asked why... he said, 'So we got something to lift at the end of the season'




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The journalist

Writer: Tudor Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday November 7 2008

Time: 4:14PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

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This might get a few interesting comments!
Tudor
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07/11/2008 16:24:00

funny cant remember man *****y beatin da spurs in da league in a long time citeh1-3 spurs coys
glendalough yid
Report Abuse
07/11/2008 16:51:00

16-03-2008, English Premier League: Man City 2 - Tottenham 1
Johnny Baguette
Report Abuse
07/11/2008 16:57:00

Hey JB thats ages ago to a Spuds fan. The Machine!!!
Buzz Lightyear
Report Abuse
07/11/2008 17:23:00

Apparently Daniel Levy asked his lad what he wanted for his Birthday and he said a Cowboy Outfit, so he bought him Spurs.
Buzz Lightyear
Report Abuse
07/11/2008 17:27:00

i cant belive this match isnt on tv at all its going to be a great match very tough one redknapp is doin a brilliant job with them he is a good manager ill be honest about it. Benjani will he play or will he not cause i personally think him and robinho will team up brilliant one is strong the other is fast
dunne deal
Report Abuse
07/11/2008 18:27:00

I think Sky have to do a quota for every Premier league team at least 4 home matches. We will probably get more air time next year.Benjani just back from injury needs match fitness and therefore you bring him on later in the game and work on his fitness that way. I would not expect MH to use him from the off, although he did start with Vass on Thursday, but it was obvious that he too was struggling and needs a few more games.
Buzz Lightyear
Report Abuse
08/11/2008 04:37:00

I agree Buzz......but I think he will start with Benjani tomorrow in stead of Vass......as he was the sharper of the two on thursday !!
lincolnblue
Report Abuse
08/11/2008 07:39:00

short memory that chap has.. i think its time we give him some more recent once of City beating spurs LOL
ArabianKnight
Report Abuse
08/11/2008 09:23:00

An embarrassing declartion, I admit, AK. There's no excuse these days. "Check your stats before posting" ie. "Clunk Click Every Trip."
Johnny Baguette
Report Abuse
08/11/2008 10:02:00

Where are the Spuds? Hiding underground as usual? Redknapp's renaissance is going to be short-lived if City show up to play their best attacking game and put another six past the barrow boys.
Sindbad
Report Abuse
08/11/2008 14:07:00

We got a lot of stick from Spurs before ADUG took over. Shedloads of it because Corluka was joining world beaters. Humble Eel pie by the lorry load since then. Could be they've revised their estimates for this season?
Johnny Baguette
Report Abuse
08/11/2008 14:16:00

I was expecting more from the Spuds than this! Are they still hiding in the woodwork after declaring they were going to take the world by storm? Maybe "the machine" isn't quite well oiled enough for all the cockiness to return! Hope Corluka gets a good night's sleep - he'll be marking Robinho!
oliverblue
Report Abuse
08/11/2008 16:26:00

looking back over the last 3 or 4 years, am i right in saying you have 1 result against us? could be wrong, feel free to correct if i am!...current league form has not been great for you lads, while spurs are on the up and up,...and if the mighty twente scored 2 against you (should of been 3) i fancy us to get 4 or 5!!!!...plus an O/G from Dunne!!!.....goodluck triyng to stop bentley, lennon, modric and bent!
lillywhites101
Report Abuse
08/11/2008 18:25:00

Good luck reciprocated with SWP, Robinho, Ireland, Jo and Elano peppering your goal! 5-5 here we come!!
Johnny Baguette
Report Abuse
08/11/2008 18:39:00

come on Shaun (formerly of the Shed) stuff Spurs for us!
merlin
Report Abuse
08/11/2008 18:58:00

very optimistic JB....but with woodgate and king expected to play today wih bale and a certain mr corluka....you can continue dreaming if you think your scoring a shed full of goals past those!!! apart from a recent blip last time we played you, it should be business as normal 2day!
lillywhites101
Report Abuse
09/11/2008 09:42:00

you lot are a ***** club. you are all of a sudden giving it the bigg'un when you get bought by some**** obviously vowing to kill off football beyond repair. you get robinho and try to give it. we have had our worst start ever and you are 1 point infront of us. onliverblue. your doing great aswell in your bid to be the best club in the world. dont make me laugh i'l tell you a good joke. Manchester City. well, congratulations on your wonderful loss again today. COME ON YOU SPURS!
SidTheYid_1990
Report Abuse
09/11/2008 17:35:00

Like the series Tudor but noticed your repeating the same jokes sometimes for different teams!That whistling on the toilet one and the trophy cabinet robbery one in particular,c'mon man get some new ones!!
CoxintheBox
Report Abuse
21/11/2008 18:30:00

 

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