Did you hear how Tottenham has become an all-water stadium? - Someone gave-them a 3-piece suite.
A man is sitting in a pub with his Jack Russell dog one Saturday afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the corner, 'Manchester City 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1,' reads the announcer in his normal, rather sedate, voice.
Suddenly the Jack Russell dog jumps up and shouts out, 'Oh, no, not again.'
The shocked landlord says, 'That's amazing. Why did he say that when the result was announced that Tottenham lost?'
Because he's a Spurs supporter,' the dog's owner replies.
The landlord then asked what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to which the man replied, 'I don't know. I've only had him three years.'
Q: What does a chewing gum and Tottenham have in common?
A:They both stick to the bottom of the table.
I hear that Tottenham underground station in London has been closed: apparently, they have been having trouble with the points.
Someone informed me yesterday that Tottenham Hotspur have a new nickname. They are now called 'The Barnacles' because they are on the bottom.
A little boy gets £10 for his birthday & rushes down to the sports shop to buy the new football he has been desperate for. He gives the ball to the shopkeeper - sorry son this ball is £20 you only have £10. The boy says ok if you blindfold me & I can guess the name of the club on any ball will you give it to me for £10. He agrees and gives the boy an Arsenal ball,
I can hear canons blasting so it's an Arsenal ball. Next, he gives him a Millwall ball. I hear lions so its Millwall. Amazed the man says get this and you can have it for nothing. The boy listens & says Spurs, the man says you heard a cockerel right, the boy says no, 'it`s going down.'
Many moons ago when I was at school, two of my mates were Spurs supporters. They would go to White Hart Lane, wait for about ten minutes after kick off, and climb over the wall. One Saturday a policeman caught them and he made them go back in and watch the rest of the game
All premier league matches have been called off this weekend due to some un-usual betting patterns, it turns out a £5 bet has been placed on Spurs to win this weekend.
I was playing scrabble today when I realised I had the letters to spell Tottenham Hotspur but was pissed off when I realised it was only worth 2 points
Went to White Hart Lane yesterday and noticed how green and lovely their pitch was so I summoned over the guy who's job it was to look after the pitch and asked him what his secret was, his reply…
'Well I do nothing, just every Saturday afternoon we put £17m worth of shit over the pitch and it works wonders'
Osama Bin Laden sent out a new video to prove he was still alive, in it he said SPURS were crap recently - British intelligence dismissed it saying:'That could have been recorded anytime in the last eight years'
NEWS JUST IN! Posh n Becks have reportedly just bought THFC for £300 million for their son Brooklyn for his birthday present. Apparently, he asked for a cowboy outfit.
The groundskeeper at spurs was seen planting potatoes behind the goals and when asked why... he said, 'So we got something to lift at the end of the season'