Writer: Johnny Baguette
Date:Wednesday September 16 2009
The 152nd derby is almost upon us. Nobby Allcock of webzine United We Issue takes the stand for our fifth pre match interrogation of this exciting season...
1. It's the first Manchester derby of the season and City head out of town to Old Trafford in third position, level points with united albeit with a game in hand. After their customary slow start united are firing again. How do you rate your start to the new campaign and how is the mood at Malc Glazer's club?
Cheeky bleeder! It's OUR club and always will be. Yes we've had a slowish start but the ability of an all time great side is to win games when you are not playing as well as you can do, but we are already showing again that nobody can really touch us in this league. The mood? We are the champions mate, that's what the mood is. We're like one big family at Man U. Even the people I sit next to in the Stretford End that change each week sort of bond with me and use my Salford born and bred knowledge to find the bus and train stations when it's home time or plane taxi time.
2. What are your hopes and aspirations for this season?
First that we get Barcelona back for taking what is ours. Second that we dismiss all the pretenders to our crown. You lot come way down the list of our priorities, I can tell you.
3. Transfer talk. How do you feel the summer transfer window went for you? Does united's debt concern you and do you miss Tevez and Ronaldo?
Sir Alex, respect. Fergie showed the world as ever the way to operate with calm dignity. As he said, he wouldn't have insulted us fans by spending massive money this summer. Signing Michael Owen will prove to be another work of genius. Debt? Ask any Cockney Red and he'll tell you that we'll never die and keep the red flag flying high, so no, I'm not concerned. I was minding Wai Yu Kum Nao's camera bag at half time versus Arsenal and he said he's not bothered, neither.
Owe money do we? Can't afford Tevez can we? Ask yourself this. If we are so in debt how can we afford to fly a plane over Old Trafford with a 34 years banner on it when we play you? And put that one up on the motorway. Ooh-ah, oo-ah, Cantona.
Miss Tevez and Ronaldo? Not one bit. Both now money grabbing mercenaries. One is now crap and a traitor and the other is now a cheating diver. I can tell you that the great Pete Boyle will be in his bedroom writing some fantastic put downs for Tevez on Sunday. I know for a fact that when Boyley's Mum says his tea's ready he'll be pretending he hasn't heard.
4. 'Shot by both sides:' The Dangermen. Who should united and in turn City be paying close attention to at the swamp this weekend?
A stupid question. We're not afraid of anyone on your side and you should be afraid of everyone on our side. The ghosts of King Eric, Paddy Roche, Juan Veron and Chocky McClair will surround your mercenaries and they will freeze. Big time.
5. Everyone at Manchester City from pitch to state of the art turnstile are very publicly aiming to take on and destabilise the seemingly endless procession of 'The Big Four' - Can it be done?
You might have a bit of a run but it will all end in tears, my friend, mark my words. I'll bet my 'tache, silk scarf, wrist scarves and SHARP shirt with Beckham on the back that Agent Hughes will be sacked by Christmas. Again.
6. Are The Citizens guilty of 'ruining football,' one of the more hysterical charges levelled at the club throughout 2009?
No matter which way you dress it up, what the City arabs have done and are doing is wrong. It's obscene. You lot can whine on about us spending big money in the past but at least we did it over a long period of time. One thing for sure is we haven't got the mercenaries that you lot have. Rooney is a god and would never leave us for more money. So there.
7. And so to battle. Your match prediction?
It's your cup final as usual and even if you win, normal service will be resumed when you get beat in your next game as usual. We are going to rub your noses in it as usual, we are well up for it as usual. Your Oasis have gone and The Quo are still going. Enough said. Shabba.
United 6 liddle ciddy 0
Very many thanks and respect going out to Nobby and the United We Issue team at the Bolton Salford and Trafford Mental Health NHS Trust.
Deadly Sinners so far this season:
Blackburn Rovers: Mikey D
Wolverhampton Wanderers: Akela
Arsenal: Paul Mustchin
Manchester united: Nobby Allcock
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Date:Wednesday September 16 2009
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