Date:Monday December 14 2009
Publishing jokes and taking the mickey out of the opposition is as old as Father Time himself. In fact it's childish, rude but most importantly, it's bloody good fun.
Where shall we begin?
Q - What's the difference between Father Christmas and a Spurs win?
A - Spurs win doesn't exist
Q - Did you hear about the problems on the underground today?
A - They were caused due to a Points failure in North London
I was in the White Heart Lane shop t'other day, saw a sign that said 'Spurs: The glory years...£200' I said to the woman behind the counter...'Bloody hell that's a bit steep, how do you get away with charging that?'She looks at me and said...'Well it's £5 for the video.'
A man jumps into a pool of sharks, swims around then climbs out. 'How'd you do that?' says an onlooker. 'Look at my T-shirt,' he replies. 'It reads 'Spurs for fourth'. Even the sharks won't swallow that!'
A wealthy Arab consortium made an enquiry about purchasing Spurs. In their list of enquiries, they asked if it was acceptable to get wider use out of the pitch by grazing 100 camels. The formal response from Spurs was, yes no problem as long as they don't get upset by the 11 donkeys who graze on Saturday afternoons.
Haringey council has blocked Tottenham's plans to build a new ground on Northumberland Park. A town hall source said...
'We don't mind having a funfair there once a year, but a circus every fortnight is a bit much.'
Tesco are releasing new Oxo cubes in Spurs colours. Customers are told to look out for laughing stocks.
What does a Spurs fan do after he sees his team win? Turns off the Xbox
After leaving San Siro, Jose Mourinho was asked if he was going to help Spurs get out of their slump. He turned around and said, 'No way, I ain't that special.'
A man was found dead floating in the Thames, wearing a blond wig, full make-up, bra, knickers, suspenders and a Spurs shirt. Before informing the next of kin the police removed the Spurs shirt to save the family embarrassment.
A little boy gets £10 for his birthday and rushes down to the sports shop to buy the new football he has been desperate for. He gives the ball to the shopkeeper, who says, 'Sorry, son, this ball is £20. You only have £10.' The boy replied, 'OK, if you blindfold me and I can guess the name of the club on any ball, will you give it to me for £10?' He agrees and gives the boy an Arsenal ball. 'I can hear cannons blasting, so it's an Arsenal ball. Next he gives him a Millwall ball: 'I hear lions, so it's Millwall.' Amazed, the shopkeeper says, 'Get this and you can have it for nothing.' The boy listens and says Spurs. The man asks if he's heard a cockerel. 'No,' says the boy. 'It's going down.'
Spurs have been forced to rename their ground 'White Lane' because their 'Hart' was surgically removed when Berbatov and Keane were sold.
Date:Monday December 14 2009
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|Man Utd||0||-||3||Man City|
|3. Man City||33||22||5||6||+54||71|
|7. Man Utd||33||17||6||10||+18||57|
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