Writer: Johnny Baguette
Date:Monday January 18 2010
As derby cup day one approaches, we take a brief look back in anger at our recent meetings with top rags Nobby Allcock and Eric Whiteside. Timely reminders of that 'Man U' fan magic...
VMC's Seven Deadly Sins was a popular first half of the season series that canvassed the views of our rival fans across League and Cup competition. Rarely however, did we encounter such bellendery as that of the United We Issue front men both last September and earlier this month...
Today we ask, at a time when The Manchester United Supporters' Trust debate asking their manager to resign in protest against their club's owners, who is the man that encapsualtes all that we have come to know and detest about Manchester united supporters?
Who is the Super Red? Is it Allcock or Whiteside.......?
"VMC Seven Deadly Sins Head to Shed"
Nobby Allcock versus Eric Whiteside
1. How do you rate your start to the new campaign and how is the mood at Malc Glazer's club?
'Cheeky bleeder! It's OUR club and always will be. Yes we've had a slowish start but the ability of an all time great side is to win games when you are not playing as well as you can do, but we are already showing again that nobody can really touch us in this league. The mood? We are the champions mate, that's what the mood is. We're like one big family at Man U. Even the people I sit next to in the Stretford End that change each week sort of bond with me and use my Salford born and bred knowledge to find the bus and train stations when it's home time or plane taxi time.'
1. What's the mood in Stretford following united's humiliating FA Cup exit against third tier Leeds?
'In a word, DEFIANT. We'll never die and we'll keep the red flag flying high. I can only agree with Sir Alex that the 5 minutes of injury time was a disgrace and an insult to the paying public, nevermind the players. It was clear to ANYONE WHO KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL that the longer the game went on, the more certain it was that class would tell and we would score. There would only be one winner after that. Anyway, Leeds are almost in the Championship.'
2. What are your hopes and aspirations for this season?
'First that we get Barcelona back for taking what is ours. Second that we dismiss all the pretenders to our crown. You lot come way down the list of our priorities, I can tell you.'
2. A large number of united fans called for your manager's head following the abject surrender to Leeds. Agree or disagree?
'I know that many reds called for Jose Mourinho to take charge immediately, but I can assure all reds out there that the time is soon coming when Mourinho who is desperate to continue the Theatre of Dreams legendary legacy will pick up the flaming torch of success. ANYONE WHO KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL knows that.
'The myth that we were all calling for Fergie's head in 1989 has been dismissed time and time again by the greatest manager in the world as we have won 35 trophies for every one of the years you small time charlies haven't. The great man has said time and time again that he will one day stand down, and we all know that there is only one job in the world that The Special One would take now and it's with our ONE BIG FAMILY(copyright Ian Brown). One of the Japanese I was with at the fence at Carrington yesterday knows a bloke who is on first name terms with Tony Coton and he says Fergie plans to go out in Carling Cup glory this year and will personally hand over to Mourinho before the derby in April. Shove your Mancini up your jealous arses.'
3. Transfer talk. How do you feel the summer transfer window went for you? Does united's debt concern you and do you miss Tevez and Ronaldo?
Sir Alex, respect. Fergie showed the world as ever the way to operate with calm dignity. As he said, he wouldn't have insulted us fans by spending massive money this summer. Signing Michael Owen will prove to be another work of genius. Debt? Ask any Cockney Red and he'll tell you that we'll never die and keep the red flag flying high, so no, I'm not concerned. I was minding Wai Yu Kum Nao's camera bag at half time versus Arsenal and he said he's not bothered, neither.
Owe money do we? Can't afford Tevez can we? Ask yourself this. If we are so in debt how can we afford to fly a plane over Old Trafford with a 34 years banner on it when we play you? And put that one up on the motorway. Ooh-ah, oo-ah, Cantona.
Miss Tevez and Ronaldo? Not one bit. Both now money grabbing mercenaries. One is now crap and a traitor and the other is now a cheating diver. I can tell you that the great Pete Boyle will be in his bedroom writing some fantastic put downs for Tevez. I know for a fact that when Boyley's Mum says his tea's ready he'll be pretending he hasn't heard.
3. Any idea why MUTV shelved it's normal tripe schedules and ran a Mark Hughes dedicated day the day after City's hierarchy sacked him?
'You could always see it in Sparky's eyes that he hated being at Citeh. He was one of us and you could never understand that. It takes that special bond that I see every day at the megastore and in the eyes of the lads I pick up at Ringway on match days to be able to see that glorious magic. ANYONE WHO KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL knows that Agent Sparky made the biggest mistake of his career when he answered the bent Thai's call and he was waiting for his big pay off from you bitter massives.'
4. 'Shot by both sides:' The Dangermen. Who should united and in turn City be paying close attention to in the derby?
A stupid question. We're not afraid of anyone on your side and you should be afraid of everyone on our side. The ghosts of King Eric, Paddy Roche, Juan Veron and Chocky McClair will surround your mercenaries and they will freeze. Big time.
4. Understanding reds. There's always been an undeniably special, if not extraordinary arrogance about united supporters. Can you define it in a nutcase-shell?
'Arrogance? Try GREATNESS. Try WINNING MENTALITY. Dream of GLORY. Tell that to your arab paymasters. When they get bored and leave it will be NORMAL SERVICE RESUMED.'
5. Everyone at Manchester City from pitch to state of the art turnstile are very publicly aiming to take on and destabilise the seemingly endless procession of 'The Big Four' - Can it be done?
You might have a bit of a run but it will all end in tears, my friend, mark my words. I'll bet my 'tache, silk scarf, wrist scarves and SHARP shirt with Beckham on the back that Agent Hughes will be sacked by Christmas. Again.
- and Nobby was right! -Admin.
5. Djemba-Djemba, Louis Saha, Dimitar Berbaflop, Juan Sebastian Veron and Massimo Taibi to name but a few. Can we now add The English Patient, Michael 'Tiny Tim' Owen to that list of united greats?
'Cometh the hour, cometh the man as you learned to your cost. King Michael may have only started for us a few times this season but never forget that the master is at the controls and is saving him for a long and fruitful partnership with King Wayne. Together they will hit 50 goals this season. Your dog chasing a stick Tevez and greedy diver Ronaldo won't be able to touch them.'
6. Are The Citizens guilty of 'ruining football,' one of the more hysterical charges levelled at the club throughout 2009?
No matter which way you dress it up, what the City arabs have done and are doing is wrong. It's obscene. You lot can whine on about us spending big money in the past but at least we did it over a long period of time. One thing for sure is we haven't got the mercenaries that you lot have. Rooney is a god and would never leave us for more money. So there.
6. As your owners begin a desperate scrabble about with two major world banks to borrow from them to reduce interest on existing astounding debt, how do you feel about the future and united's inability to compete in the transfer market?
'Like our Nobby said last year. Respect to Fergie for REFUSING to pay for all the rubbish out there, like what you have signed as it would be an insult to us, the loyalist fans in the world. Besides which, our team is still gelling together. Anyway, I was sat with a bloke from China last week who told me that top Chinese businessmen are about to buy us and clear all our debts. Probably this summer. Be afraid, Berties.'
7. And so to battle. Your match prediction?
It's your cup final as usual and even if you win, normal service will be resumed when you get beat in your next game as usual. We are going to rub your noses in it as usual, we are well up for it as usual. Your Oasis have gone and The Quo are still going. Enough said. Shabba.
United 6 liddle ciddy 0
7. And so to the semi-final. Your prediction?
'This one is for one Nobby Allcock R.I.P. I will be getting that chant and a minutes applause going with Boyley at your council house. The greatest once living red outside of Boyley predicted we would beat you last September and I will now pick up his rattle and be wearing his cup double bobble hat in his honour and predict A BACKLASH. The strength from within will overcome your frozen rabbits and Fergie's last trophy will be guaranteed. ANYONE WHO KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL knows that your season is about to crash in flames big style like the Titanic and a ukrainian submarine.
liddle ciddy 0 UNITED 5
Eric Whiteside and Nobby Allcock appear courtesy of United We Issue and the Bolton Salford and Trafford Mental Health NHS Trust. All rights reserved.
You can follow the game live in our popular Live Match Thread in the VMC Match Day Forum:
MATCHDAY THREAD: Man City v Dirty Rags - Carling Cup Semi-Final - Tue Jan 19th - KO. 19:45 UK Time
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Date:Monday January 18 2010
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