Writer: Johnny Baguette
Date:Friday January 29 2010
VMC Desert Island Shinpads: Pompey
Our latest castaway is Vital Pompey's paultsmouth who is already cast adrift at the foot of the table living a footballing purgatory...
You've followed your English Premier League team's global marketing tournament by way of a dream football holiday tour where you are to face Manchester City, Droylsden and The Timbuktu All Stars..but Michel Platini has alledgedly shot your plane down somewhere over the Not Specific and you find yourself washed up on a beach in the middle of nowhere…
Thankfully, you've got a smartphone and Vital Manchester City is texting you XII questions in an effort to keep your mind off going mental like in that series LOST and back on the football...
1. Why Pompey?
'They are my local club, I actually live across the harbour in Gosport, but have been a fan since 1979 when my dad first took me, I've got to see my club in all 4 divisions, at the time another team just up the road were far more successful, but unlike a lot of people at the time in Gosport, they Never appealed!'
2. What are your favourite and worst all time Portsmouth moments as you deliriously alternate between dread and delight?
'Promotion to the Premiership in 2003 was a real highlight, after so many false dawns we had one really fantastic season where it all came together, Merson was a real joy, and we blew away nearly everyone that came in our way playing fantastic passing football.
'I feel our worst moments are still to come in the next couple of weeks. Pompey are on a downward spiral that just won't slow down, we don't know who owns the club, but do know that it is being bled dry. All the crap about 'patience' and 'trust us' doesn't wash, we are watching anyone of any value depart and really could just disappear within a couple of days.'
3. You could be here for years. If you had to set up a squad of natives with one of the following Pompey gaffers parachuted in, who would it be and why? Harry Redknapp, Jim Smith, Avram Grant, Tony Pulis or Alain Perrin?
'Jim Smith would be the man for me, he really had the team and fans at heart, both as a manager and an assistant, Perrin would just confuse me, while Grant wouldn't be the best company, Redknapp would nick all the best natives from the other islands!'
4. You meet a group of howler monkeys with Southampton scarves on and make the decision to try to explain exactly what is going on financially at Fratton Park......some of them ask how can it be that you are suffering horribly while a club like Manchester united operate under a billion dollars of debt........this may take a couple of days...
'I would struggle to explain what is happening financially, nobody seems to know!
'Pompey are quite obviously not as popular with the Premiership as Man U, I feel we have become an embarrassment to the men at the top of the Prem, I really feel they will be pleased to see the back of us come May.
'Pompey may be the first Prem club to implode, but I don't think we will be the last, the powers that be need to have a look at their own rules and regulations, we are being controlled by a convicted fraudster right now.
'The Prem sit back and do nothing. We won't be the last though!'
5. Which of your players would you happily see fed to the sharks and which player would you bomb it out there to save?
'We can't afford anyone as bait, we are bereft anyway! Oh go on then, sling Mokoena, could be too late to save Kaboul though, I feel the sharks have got their teeth in him and Begovic already...'
6. What's your verdict on Sylvain Distin??
'He was one of the best centre-backs we have had in recent times, probably the most composed of modern times, he had a wobbly spell about a year ago but came through.
'Can't say I blame him for leaving, the writing was on the wall back then.'
7. Then there's Manchester City. Do you think they will conquer the world or at least part of it in your absence?
'Not yet, I would quite like to see them win something. The top four looks out of reach this season unless you have a miracle run in. Unlimited finance is obviously an asset, but patience is needed as well. Shame Hughes wasn't given a little more time.'
8. What do you think of Manchester City supporters?
'I've come across a fair few over the years and divisions, I'm of the view that they are the true supporters of Manchester rather than the glory hunters of United.'
9. Give us your Premier League Top Six and Bottom Three for May 2010....
3 Man U
relegated in order
Pompey (with -9 next to our name)'
10. City's canoe pulls up a mile or so down the beach. Which of The Blues' players would you prefer to greet you out of the heat haze and which one would you probably run away from screaming from....?
'I love the man who others hate in Bellamy, he is a pain in the arse but I have seen him tear up Pompey for Blackburn, West Ham and now City.
Benjani would get a hug just for the memories. Wayne Bridge, I would happily leave to fry in the desert, both for his roots and his reaction after scoring for Chelsea against us a few years back, how he lived that day I will never know!'
11. If you make it back to Portsmouth by 1st May, what do you reckon will have been achieved at Fratton Park during your exile?
'A block of flats.'
12. Finally, What would the result have been on January 31st at Eastlands?
'A defeat for Pompey, by at least two goals!
- Not very cheery, but honest!'
Very many thanks to paultsmouth and our friends at Vital Pompey for this superb interview during a very difficult time.
Share in the action and discuss events live in the VMC Match Day Forum on Sunday:
MATCHDAY THREAD: Man City v Portsmouth - Sun Jan 31st - KO: 13:30 UK Time
VMC Seven Deadly Sinners 2009-2010:
Blackburn Rovers: Mikey D
Wolverhampton Wanderers: Akela
Arsenal: Paul Mustchin
Manchester united: Nobby Allcock
West Ham: Rossy
Aston Villa: The Fear
Wigan Athetic: Worbo
Fulham: Andrew Joyce
Scunthorpe: Luke Thornhill
Liverpool: Chubby Alonso
Hull City: Matt Wilson
Bolton Wanderers: Richard McC
Tottenham Hotspur: OxfordSpur
Sunderland: Gaz Johnson
Stoke: Chris Baldwin
Middlesbrough: Steve Goldby
Man united: Eric Whiteside
Scunthorpe: Luke Thornhill
VMC Desert Island Shinpads Castaways 2010:
Blackburn: Mikey D
Everton: Everton Mike
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Date:Friday January 29 2010
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