Paper Talk: Week 1
This is the first of what will be an ongoing summary of the week's news - mainly about City, but also covering anything else deemed news worthy by me from the world of football. And no, I couldn't think of a clever name for it.
With the FIFA World Cup over, I thought it an appropriate time to begin, especially as the transfer speculation is going into overdrive and it gives me a lot of stuff to write about. Most of it bollocks.
Speaking of bollocks, lets start with our first news story: "Manchester City agree £17m deal with Lazio for Aleksandar Kolarov".
'Oh no they didn`t!` says the Lazio chairman. 'Oh yes they did!` say the media. Actually, they didn't, but this premature ejaculation by the media was certainly an intriguing affair, and one which has meant that by the time he actually signs, no-one will care.
The other ping-pong pantomime going on at the moment is of course, the Mario Balotelli story. City are interested. United are interested. He isn't for sale. He might be for sale. No offers yet. No-one has a clue what is going on, and neither does Moratti, with his latest statement of, "I promise I know nothing" summing up the entire fiasco. We are none the wiser.
Taking a break from the bollocks, here is something that will definitely float your boat. The new home and away kit designs have been leaked, so check them out and happy masturbating.
One of the other highlights of the week was surprisingly found on Talksport. Possibly the worst football pundits ever (yes, even worse than Paul Merson), are completely ripped apart by a City fan (who sounds a lot like Johnny Vegas). If you missed it, have a listen:
Seriously though guys, stop listening to that utter shite of a show. The calibre of their punditry is the equivalent of allowing a children`s party clown to host BBC2's Newsnight. And no, I wasn't referring to Jeremy Paxman.
Back to the papers, and back to the transfer rumour that just won't go away: Fernando Torres. Roy "everyone used to like him at Fulham and now no-one likes him at Liverpool" Hodgeson has declared "he is not for sale". Well thank god for that.
Torres in undoubtedly a top striker, but Roque Santa-Cruz has made that medical room his own - and he doesn't want to share. Let`s face it, it's Dzeko we all want (although admittedly, not for the €50m quoted by his club).
As the £30m Milner saga rumbles on, as well as a few others, the most exciting news this week was not which player was coming in to the club, but who was going out.
Real Sociedad eyeing up Brazilian flop Jo made my week. But then only a few days later they said the chances of a deal were "scarce", so I consoled myself with a tub of chocolate ice-cream and another wank over those new City kits.
And so on to a serious and extremely sad note to end this week's column, the news that City legend Ken Barnes had passed away on Thursday. May I express my condolences to his family and to a great many friends and colleagues of whom loved and respected him greatly. He will be missed by all.
Thanks for reading, see you next week.