Writer: Lincolnsmariner 
Date:Wednesday March 2 2011
Time: 6:09PM
In an extraordinary outburst outside the clubs Carrington training ground, Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson (pictured below) lambasted comic relief as a load of nonsense to outside reporters, labelling red nose day a 'joke'.
The Scotsman, outraged by his sides second defeat of the season yesterday, in which his side was beaten 2-1 by a resurgent Chelsea, couldn`t believe that his players had the audacity to embrace the festivities of comic relief in training.
'I'm not so much bothered about the charity side of things, that`s okay, but I just can't stand all the red nose nonsense", Ferguson raged.
'You'd think that they could have come up with something more original than that wouldn't you? It`s a complete joke, I saw Rio with one on and he looked even more ridiculous than he normally does."
The 69-year-old then outrageously proclaimed to reporters that he had in fact been copied by comic relief organisers and felt bitterly disappointed to have been overlooked for his past charity work.
'I started it really. They may have changed it to red nose day, but it was my idea long before they started doing it.'
"You'd think they would give me some recognition for all my hard work, but after 69 years of purple nose day, all they have given me is a fancy title and a few extra minutes of injury time. It makes me sick.'
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