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Exclusive: United Hierarchy Line Up Keane



Before Manchester City turned united's new 19 banner literally upside down, the Old Trafford power brokers sanctioned plans to change manager next summer...

Rumours had been rife last season throughout the Home Counties that Sir Alex Ferguson could be politely asked to step down before age dictates that he lose his appetite for the modern game. With the rags noisy neighbours repeatedly back in their faces and never out of the news, concern had also heightened in Florida that change as opposed to a debt fuelled risk of implosion was becoming a neccessity.

Those fears had been allayed by a fine start to the season until FC Basle, Norwich City and Liverpool recently gave the Stretford bin man's shaky yet often prolific side calls that were too close for comfort.

Today's utter steamrollering at the hands of the City juggernaut and the sight of a clearly fatigued post match Taggart who singled out a lumbering Rio Ferdinand and pisspoor French strike leader Patrice Evra for lack of leadership have fanned the flames that will surely spark the end of an era in English football.

A source close to The Biggest Club In The World Of All Time (tm) has revealed to VMC that united's day to day controller David Gill favours a cost effective Fergie approved succession to the old guard that he has groomed to build upon his affable legacy.

And it's united and Eire legend Roy Keane that tops the wishlist that will be faxed to Miami on Monday morning for approval despite today's attendance at the swamp of ashen faced Glazer brothers.

Fergie and Gill are intent upon fusing a managerial dream ticket behind the scenes throughout the season. Royston Vasey Keane would be joined by 50 year old Paul Scholes in the role of Aggression Coach and Ryan 'tearing families apart' Giggs will come in as Fitness Coach following the success of his aerobics DVD. Rio Ferdinand, affectionally known as 'Camel Gob' at Carrington will be finally put out to pasture and take up the role of 'Match Official Surround Sound Adviser.'

Ferguson's long serving right hand man when he doesn't want to speak to anyone Mike Phelan will be moved upstairs. Somewhere. Whilst Ferguson will be rewarded with the title 'God Almighty of Trafford.'

The story is lent further substance by United's board allegedly hiring Keane to carry out two major 'been there, seen it, ended it's career' know-all style interviews in the run up to united's derby humiliation. Keane gave his take on the managerial situation in Manchester by declaring 'I like Mancini.'

Another story doing the rounds is that Keane was rubbish at Sunderland and Ipswich on purpose in a bid to put himself into the Old Trafford frame.

Uppermost in the united's owners hopelessly out of touch mindset is that their only player with anything about him, every rag's favourite scouser Wayne Rugney must be kept on board at all costs. The astronomically paid international tournament hotshot is rumoured to be regretting the day he transplanted his transfer request last season after a family visit from united's infamous 'Ratboys In Black' amongst other death threats.

And what of united's beleaguered supporters in all this? Having twice broken the record of 'Fastest Wembley Fans Exit' this year, an attempt was made on Sunday to make it a hat-trick of rapid walk outs but sadly the effort fell apart raggedly in the style of David 'Young Werewolf' De Gea's hatstand-marshalled defence.

VMC caught up with MUST Match Day Coach Driver and United We Issue Editor Nobby Allcock at Ringway tonight and sounded him out over the Keane regime rumours:

'At the end of the day I think the time could be right for Fergie to call it quits next May. I mean, he's the ultimate legend but all legends must come to an end and his legendary status will be forever legend in Manchester.'

'Maybe today's result is the warning sign we've been dreading hand on heart despite the warning signs the last few weeks. I mean the lads on this bus tonight are gutted. Gutted in a way glory hunting City fans could never understand. One of my regulars Wai Yoo Kum Now has to fly to Korea tonight and the Dublin branch are already talking about jumping into the Liffy. At least these lads won't have City fans goading them like I will though, but I'm still going to wear my legendary Sharp shirt wherever I drive. Now that's commitment.'


As for City's jubilant faithful in Dukes of 92 tonight, '19 into 61' really does go and the sussed out Nani really is just a shit Michael Jackson.



UPCOMING THIS WEEK:
all times East Manchester

We 26 Oct 19:45 Wolves, Molineux LC4
Sa 29 Oct 15:00 Wolves, The Etihad, PL - Derby heroes homecoming party







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The journalist

Writer: Johnny Baguette Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Sunday October 23 2011

Time: 8:06PM

Your Comments

Talk about playing to their strengths, Scholes will make a very fine agression coach indeed, and Wio's the man for the surround sound job. But shouldn't Giggsy be running the WAG's Social Club?
fifthcolumnblue
What about Johnny Evans? He'd be a good candidate for Minister of silly walks...
fifthcolumnblue
 

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