Why Always Neville?
As open agenda pontificators go, they don't come much more dreary than Gary Neville. His inexplicable new role as a learned pundit continues to grate. If only he was playing today...
New Year's Day 2011 and a gasping, wheezing Neville was being run ragged at West Bromwich Albion.
To this day, only Mr. Chris Foy, today's cup derby referee, will know why he didn't award West Brom the most blatant of penalties following Neville's cynical foul on Graham Dorrans that would have surely led to a united defeat, so poor was their collective performance that day.
Ultimately, and has been so often the case across the past two seasons, the rags ground out a fortuitous 1-2 away win.
Neville was put out of his exhausted misery by a substitution that brought down the curtain on a career rife with the gobshitery that has become a byword for the divine right to success smug arrogance that despite repeated setbacks continues to provide the platform that modern day Manchester united is built upon.
We thought we were well rid of him. But Gary Chuckle is back. In a suit. He's done pretty well so far in restraining himself on Sky Sports but his column in Das Daily Mail is where he's beginning to let his gob run away with itself.
Today's droaning, meandering article include a bit of advice for City's enigmatic Mario Balotelli, united 'wantaway' Wayne Rugney and wandering fallen star Stephen Ireland. 'Why always me? Because you keep getting caught' Neville admonishes. '...like most players I have been drunk and have even smoked a shisha pipe' he dramatically reveals after mentioning Balotelli's fireworks night. 'The difference was that it was on summer holiday and where no one could see me...I didn't post the photos on Twitter or come in the morning afterwards to training and talk about what happened. The key is to do it at the right time and in a discreet way. So why always me? Because you always get caught. Be cute, do it at the right time and then you won't have to wear T-shirts saying: 'Why always me?''
Absolutely. Far better as a substitute to cutely give a rival striker the middle finger from the touchline, dance along the touchline goading rival fans in goal celebration or go apeshit mental in front of rival supporters on the pitch itself...
Gary, you'll be missed today. Seriously.
Being Cute...versus Liverpool
City And Arsenal...united
all times East Manchester
Su 8 Jan 13:00 City v Rags, The Etihad, FAC3
We 11 Jan 19:45 Liverpool, The Etihad, LCSF1
Mo 16 Jan 20:00 Wigan, DW Stadium, PL
Su 22 Jan 13:30 Spurs, The Etihad, PL
We 25 Jan 19:45 Liverpool, Anfield, LCSF2