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Random quote: If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.
- (Added by: Tudor)
 

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TudorIf I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
TudorDon't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.
TudorI changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'
TudorMaybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
TudorWhen life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.
TudorThe first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
TudorSome things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
TudorPool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!'
TudorI'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs.
TudorI wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.
TudorI have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me.
TudorYou know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.
TudorI try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.
TudorWhenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.
Tudor'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.
TudorI just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
TudorI childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.
TudorSinging in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
TudorBeen there done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
TudorNot to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
TudorLazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
TudorA good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.
TudorI don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!
TudorIf you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.
TudorI like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.
TudorYou're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel!
TudorDear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.